ABOUT ERIK BENEATH THE PANTS

The main motto is – and this is no modern-day wisecrack, but a quote from a Christian treatise commonly referred to as the Holy Bible. This book is very comprehensive and recounts many acts of cruelty and injustice that people have inflicted upon each other on a daily basis, century after century, millennium after millennium – to the point where these could in fact be counted as a well-established means of human communication. Nevertheless, this holy book, like any other holy scripture, boasts some wisdom which could perhaps improve the general morality of humankind as a whole. One of these – the aforementioned motto – goes as follows: it is better for the truth to come out even at the expense of scandal, than for it to be suppressed in order to prevent scandal, thus bringing about even greater injustice.*It has been obvious beyond dispute for thousands of years that man and woman are different from one another. Man is stronger, since his body is governed by a peculiar muscle commonly known by a variety of names, a muscle which, once set in motion, will not spare his fellow man. If we stop to think about this muscle, we can also consider the consequences which it brings. One of those is children which are brought into the world thanks to it – so let us give praise where praise is due.It is musculature that rules. The present brief foreword is followed by several examples which shed light on the muscle in question.

Chapter OneOnce upon a time there was a man named Erik. He hailed from a noble Norwegian family. In spite of this, he married a fat mare of a woman, for that muscle was pointed directly towards her. After a boy was born, Erik struck out on his own. He realized that life in captivity would be impossible – for the muscle, that is. Incidentally, he had blue Nordic eyes, always cast downward, and his master even had a bluish head, every now and then. Kind of bashful.

Chapter TwoHis best efforts notwithstanding – for he was a decent, god-fearing, and worthy man, it so happened that his master ordered him to go after a petite, delicate blonde. The blonde answered the call. She ended up having an abortion, for Erik did not want to get a divorce. He told her: though I cannot live without you, it has to be this way. The blonde wept, and then married a shop assistant at a second-hand bookstore. But he had the same problem once more, and ran off with a purveyor of whipped cream. After outlasting the function of his muscle, he wanted to go back to his ex-wife, but she was too moralistic, and as a result, little by little she became a whore and no longer wanted any husband. As a whore she won much acclaim, and when she grew old, she regretted that she did not listen to Erik, who had decreed that this was the way it had to be, since in her line of business all the men she ever met were womanizers – that is, she engaged with the musculature of certain bodies. She felt a deep regret about this and in the end, as the saying goes, took to “weeping like an old whore.”

*This is not, in fact, a quote from the Bible, but rather a slightly modified version of a quote by 15th-century Czech priest Jan Hus, the originator of the proto-Protestant Hussite movement.

Note: Translated page 1/3 (EK002349_0003)